betweensunandmoon: (PotC)
[personal profile] betweensunandmoon
In which Hope meets Will, convinces him to teach her to swordfight, and...well, you'll see.

Warning: Chapter Four contains sexual assault.

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything POTC related.
NOTE: Sorry that last chapter was so sad and depressing. I thought it necessary to accentuate that part of Hope's life to help the flow of the rest of the prequel, with Jack Sparrow's entrance and her attitude towards him in the beginning.

Aria: Something about that scares me.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!

EDITED ONLY

CHAPTER 3

The Art of Love

"Hope! Hurry up! The bell just rung the Dauntless is coming into port!" a fourteen year old Elizabeth yelled to fifteen year old Hope.

Naomi: Without hyphens.

"I'm coming. There really is no hurry. They still need to weigh anchor, unload prisoners, and other menial things."

Aria: Prisoners?
Naomi: Well, it is a navy ship.

"Hope. You cannot be serious. Aren't you the least bit excited to see Edward? The both of you have been seeing so much of each other the people are beginning to think you both are courting."

Naomi: And...this happened when?
Aria: It never ceases to amaze me how little effort Suethors put into developing their romances.

They walked across the bridge towards the dock where the HMS Dauntless was weighing anchor.

"Who says that we're not?" Elizabeth stared at her.

"No. You sneak. Why have you not told me? I'm your best friend."

Aria: Elizabeth doesn't talk like this.

"It hasn't been going on for that long. He asked my father for permission to court me right before he left three weeks ago."

"I can't believe it. Well, from what I see he has already gained your favor and he knows this as does your father. So when do you think he will ask permission to marry you?"

"I don't know but I'm hoping soon."

Naomi: A Gillette-Sue, huh? That's a new one.

They watched as Lieutenant Norrington walked down the ramp with the commodore and the captain. He looked sad. "He still mourns deeply for her."

Aria: How do you know he was thinking about Catherine?

"Do you and your father not?"

"Of course. My father, being a minister, has accepted her death feeling as that it was her time."

Naomi: You just said your father was still mourning her...?

"And what about you?" Elizabeth asked as they stopped just shy of the dock.

"I'm trying to accept it but I can't help but want revenge against the bloody pirate who killed Catherine."

"It's funny."

"What is?"

"You and I loved pirates, even hearing the word made us smile. But now you spit on even the mention of the name." Hope was silent.

Aria: Whose name? And how do you spit on the mention of someone's name?

"And what made you start hating pirates?"

Naomi: (Elizabeth): The author.
Aria: Remember what I said last chapter about missing one of the major points of Elizabeth's character? Elizabeth did not hate pirates. She was fascinated with them. She wouldn't have been so fascinated if pirates had attacked her town and killed her best friend's sister.

"Same reasons as you, I guess. I really don't know why. I just woke up and hated them."

Naomi: It's rare for characters to acknowledge they're OOC in-fic. Good job, Elizabeth. Now realize Hope is a Sue and get rid of her.

They both turned their attention to the dock and saw Gillette and few of the other midshipmen speaking with the commodore. They saluted each other before taking their leave.

Aria: Too many theys. Who's doing what?

As the group walked up the ramp and onto the upper deck Gillette caught sight of Hope and Elizabeth and waved to them. They girls gave a small wave back. "He seems very cheery to see you." Elizabeth said smiling.

Aria: If I were you, I'd replace "cheery" with "cheerful."

Hope blushed and laughed. As they all neared each other Gillette took Hope's hand and kissed it.

"Miss Danforth. Miss Swann," he said bowing at Elizabeth.

"Mr. Gillette. It is a pleasure seeing you again." He smiled and bowed before offering Hope his arm.

"Shall we?" Hope took it as the three continued into town. As they walked Gillette told them all about his trip and the girls told him of the things that had happened in Port Royal since he left.

Naomi: Which we don't get to hear about.

"Oh, good heavens! I completely forgot my father wanted me to meet him at midday. I must go. Elizabeth I shall see you later. Mr. Gillette."

"Will I see you later?" he asked.

"It looks so." Hope said smiling before hurrying off to meet her father.

SCENE CHANGE

"My father is going to kill me,"

Aria: I hate anachronistic dialogue.

Hope said to herself as she rushed through the town to her home. As she rounded a corner a boy about her age ran into her coming from the other way. The impact sent them toppling to the ground.

"Oh. I'm so sorry, miss. I wasn't watching where I was going," the boy said going over to Hope and offering his hand to her. Hope was instantly taken in by his brown eyes and handsome features.

Naomi: If this Sue breaks up Will/Elizabeth, I'll--
Aria: Relax. She doesn't.

"It's fine. I wasn't really paying any attention to where I was going either." Hope said taking his hand. They stood there starring at each other for a moment before the boy bowed to her introducing himself.

"My name is Will Turner. I don't believe we've met before." Hope smiled and curtseyed.

Naomi: Hope's been Elizabeth's best friend for two years and she's never met Will in all that time? *shakes head*

"My name is Hope Danforth."

"It's a pleasure, Miss Danforth."

"Please. Call me Hope. I hate it when people my own age call me, miss." Hope said before she cocked her head as if recognizing him. "You look familiar to me. Are you sure we haven't met before?"

"I would think I would remember a beautiful face as yours, Miss Danforth." Hope blushed but that was replaced by comprehension.

Aria: Since when does Will flirt with strangers?

"Now I recognize you. You were the boy they rushed to a doctor the day Governor Swann arrived."

"Yes, I believe that was me."

"I am glad to see that you are all right.

Aria: (Hope): You know, two years after the fact...

I must apologize for I must run. I am late meeting my father. Good day, Mr. Turner." Will watched as Hope disappeared around yet another corner.

"Good day!" He shouted after her. "Hope." He said softly as he smiled.

Naomi: Will called Elizabeth by her first name only after eight years of being her friend. Somehow, I don't think he'd call Hope by her first name after two seconds of knowing her.

NOTE: So? Your opinions please? Be nice! The next chapter will be happier. I promise. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Sorry this chapter was so short
ArianaielNightstar

Next Chapter: A Sword Order

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[snip disclaimer]

CHAPTER 4

A Sword Order

Reverend Danforth stepped out of the wooden carriage and walked up the stairs to the governor's house and knocked.

Aria: Truly, this is the work of an accomplished writer.

"Good day, Reverend Danforth," the butler said opening the door.

"Good day. I was wondering if my daughter was here?"

Naomi: Why wouldn't he know where his daughter was?

"Yes, sir she is."
"I must speak with her. May I come in?"

"Of course, sir." The butler stood aside and allowed the Reverend to enter. "Wait here, please." With that the butler walked away and into the study where Hope, now seventeen, and Elizabeth, now sixteen sat reading.

Aria: Why does the Suethor insist on skipping ahead a year with every chapter?

"Miss Danforth." Hope looked up. "Your father is here. He says he must speak with you." The two girls looked at each other confused.

"Why on earth would my father come here to speak with me?"

Naomi: (Butler): Plot contrivance.

"I don't know. You should probably go see why."
"Right. Thank you, Henry." she said as she hurried out of the study and into the foyer.
"Father?" Hope said catching sight of her father.
"Hope."
"What is it? Are you all right?" she said walking to him.
"Yes, everything is perfectly fine. I only came to ask a favor. A family is baptizing their newborn child today or I would have done this myself."

"What is it? I'll take care of it."

Aria: Is it just me, or has most of this fic been dialogue so far?
Naomi: It's not just you. Dialogue is great, but you need to balance it out with action or your POV character's thoughts.

"I need you to place a sword order for me."

Naomi: What does a minister need a sword for?

"Why not have Ann or Miles do it?"

"I would have but they are off doing errands of their own. I need you to do this for me today, and tell Mr. Brown that I will need it by the end of the week."

"Okay.

Aria: That word didn't exist until the mid-19th century.

What do you wish me to ask for?" Danforth smiled and gave her a list of what he needed before taking his leave. Elizabeth continued reading as Hope returned to the study. "I'm sorry. I must run. My father wishes me to place an order for a sword. And no one else is around to do so."

"All right. Do you want me to ask someone to escort you?"

"No, that won't be necessary. I'll be fine by myself."

Naomi: Somehow, I doubt that. Ever heard of tempting fate?

"Very well. Be careful."

"I will. Goodbye." Hope grabbed her things and met the carriage master outside as she was driven into town. "Wait here. I will return shortly," she said to the driver as he opened the door and helped her down.

"Yes, Miss Danforth." Hope then continued into town and to the Blacksmith shop.

Aria: Why wouldn't the carriage driver take her all the way to the smithy?
Naomi: And why is "blacksmith" capitalized?

When she reached the shop she lifted her fist to knock but stopped when she heard the clanging of swords. Confused by this she knocked again, but received no answer. She knocked a few more times and still received no answer.

"Mr. Brown?" she yelled knocking again, no reply, but the swords continued. "Mr. Brown I have an order that I need to place. Mr. Brown?" she yelled again and received no reply. She stood there for a moment thinking of what to do. She knew she should not barge into someone's shop. Making up her mind she looked around her and when she saw no one watching her she entered the shop. As she entered the shop

Naomi: How very imaginative.

she saw two boys about her age engaged in a sword fight. They both had their hair tied back loose, the only difference

Aria: Between what?

was the color of their hair, one was brown the other blonde.

Naomi: "Blonde" is female, Suethor.

Their fighting caught her off guard and she backed away a little. When she looked to her left she saw a sleeping, overweight, and scruffy looking man in a black apron sitting on chair, one leg propped on a bucket, and in one hand he held an almost empty bottle of liquid which she figured was rum.

Aria: Typical. Two boys are sparring right in front of her, and she takes the time to give us a detailed description of Mr. Brown.

The two boys still hadn't noticed her entrance. She watched the two fight and was intrigued and fascinated by their fluid

Naomi: *snickers*

moves and how agile they both were. When the one with brown hair threw the other to the ground

Aria: They were wrestling?

she called out. "Excuse me." The two stopped and looked over at her, both staring wide-eyed in shock. She looked at the one with brown hair and recognized him. "Mr. Turner?"

"Miss Danforth. I do apologize. I can only imagine what you are thinking."

"No, it's perfectly all right. I should be the one to apologize for barging in like this. I knocked and called out several times but no one answered."

"Sorry about that," Will said as the other boy stood up, dusted himself off, and smiled at her.

"Will? Aren't you going to introduce me to your lady friend?"

"Oh, right. Thomas, this is Miss Hope Danforth she's the…"

"Daughter of Reverend Danforth," Thomas said

Naomi: How did he know that?

walking over to the raised ground she stood on,

Aria: What?

grabbed her hand, and kissed it.

"It's a pleasure, Miss Danforth. My name is Thomas Gibbon, merchant sailor,"

Naomi: Why would a merchant sailor need to know how to fence?

Hope smiled. Will stood back glaring at Thomas.

Aria: Why?

"Mr. Turner…"

"Please, call me Will."

"Very well, Will. My father sent me to place an order for a sword."

"Your father sent his beautiful daughter out here alone and none the less, into a blacksmith shop to place an order. Why not someone else?" Thomas said trying to sound sincere.

Naomi: What do you know, someone sensible.

Wait, this is Hope's POV. How does she know Thomas is only trying to sound sincere?


This comment surprised Hope and she instantly took an alert behavior.

Aria: Whatever that is.

"Our servants were detained with other matters. He would have come himself, but he had a baptism today."

"He still should have sent someone to escort you.

Naomi: It's like he knows he's in a badfic.

Even in daylight Port Royal can be a dangerous place, especially with a few pirates lurking about." Hope stared at him.

Aria: (Hope): There are pirates in Port Royal? How do you know? Who are you?

"Yes, quite. As I was saying, my father didn't tell me what it was for but he said he needed it by the end of the week."

"Of course, Miss Danforth. I shall begin work on it immediately."

Naomi: Who said that?

Hope looked at him confused. "Sorry. I'm Mr. Brown's apprentice. I mostly do the orders myself since he is usually drunk, like he is now," Will said walking over to her.

Naomi: Oh. Dialogue tags are your friend, Suethor.

"Oh. I was wondering about that for a moment. My father gave me a list of what he wanted and I will let you handle it from there," Hope said handing him the list. "Will. May I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"How long have you been sword fighting?"

"Since I was very young. My father taught me, being skilled himself."

Aria: (Will): Even though I never really knew him until I wound up on the Flying Dutchman in the second movie.

"Have you ever taught anyone?"

"No. I can't say that I have."

"Would you be willing too?" Will looked at her strangely.

Aria: "To," not "too," Suethor.

"I think I could. Was there someone you wanted me to teach?" Hope was hesitant for a moment.

"Yes. Me."

Naomi: Whoa! Where did this come from?
Aria: Because she thinks fencing is cool?
Naomi: Fencing is cool, but what respectable 18th-century girl would even consider learning to do it?

Both Will and Thomas looked at her shocked.

Aria: I sympathize. That's how I feel right now, too.

"Yes I know what you are thinking. An aristocratic girl has no business handling a sword or learning how to use one. I can't believe I'm asking this myself.

Naomi: I love it when fics spork themselves.

I know that it's unheard of but I don't care. Somewhere out there is the pirate who murdered my sister and I will not rest until he is brought to justice. I don't care what people think. I'm tired of being treated has if I can't do one thing but keep house and take care of a family."

Aria: Elizabeth was a much better rebellious noblewoman than you are, Sue. And she did it without complaining about how horrible her life was.

Will as silent. "Please, Will. No one has to know."

Naomi: You'd better have a great cover story ready, Sue.

"Miss Danforth…"

"Will, please."

Aria: Why did I hear that in a whiny baby voice?
Naomi: Because your average Sue has the maturity of a spoiled five-year-old.

"Hope. I would gladly teach you but if we were to be caught the consequences for me could be severe."

Naomi: Will didn't teach Elizabeth, his true love, to use a sword until after they'd battled undead pirates together. What have you done to show him you're capable of taking care of yourself, Sue?

"No. I'll have agreed to this willingly. They cannot punish you for anything. If they do I'll tell them that you were adamant but that I convinced you.

Aria: Which, as far as we know, is the truth.

Please, Will."

"But you barely know me."

Naomi: It's been a year since Will and the Sue met, and they haven't gotten to know each other in all that time?
Aria: I don't think the Suethor knows how time works.

"That doesn't matter to me. I have a feeling that I can trust you. I don't know how or why I feel that, but I do." Will was silent again.

"Forget about him. He's too scared. Allow me to teach you," Thomas said climbing up too her level.

Aria: I already commented on that error. I won't repeat myself.

"I can teach you everything you want to know. And just maybe a little bit more," he said making his last sentence slower and taking his finger and moving a tendril away from her face.

Naomi: Obvious pervert is obvious.

"Step away, sir. You're too close. And I don't wish for your help," Hope said moving his hand away and stepping back. "And if I recall, it was you who was on the ground when I called for your attention a few moments ago."

Aria: That doesn't mean he doesn't know how to fence.

"You are passing up a great opportunity, Hope."

"It's Miss Danforth to you." Thomas glared at her. "Will? What do you say? Can you teach me?"

"I can. Meet me here tomorrow night."

Naomi: (Will): Even though I have responsibilities and all.

"Thank you. But, the only problem is I don't possess the proper attire."

"I'll take care of that. And as for your father's order. It will be delivered on time."

Aria: I don't see how, since Will was implied to be doing the work of two people in the movie, and now he has to teach the Sue to fence on top of that.

"Thank you. I will see you tomorrow then. Good day, Will. Mr. Gibbon," she said saying Thomas' name with disdain as she left the blacksmith shop. Thomas was angered by her treatment of him.

"She won't get away with this. No one has ever turned down, Thomas Gibbon."

Naomi: No one says no to Gaston!

With that he stormed out of the shop and saw Hope a few feet in front of him. He ran to her and grabbed her arm forcibly.

"Mr. Gibbon, remove your hand from my arm this instant," she yelled.

Aria: Without an exclamation point.

"Not until you listen. I have never been talked to like that and will never be talked to like that ever, especially not from a female." His grip tightened.

Naomi: She said no, so get the heck away from her!

"You're hurting me. Please let go." She looked around her and saw a woman just staring at her. Hope sent her a pleading look to help but the woman turned and ran.

SCENE CHANGE

The Royal Navy

Naomi: It was so royal that it had to be capitalized.

was setting out for yet another tour and today in particular supplies were being loaded onto the Dauntless and the Interceptor. Lieutenant Norrington, now Captain Norrington, was talking with Gillette, now a Lieutenant,

Aria: I don't think titles work like that.

and a few others when the shouts from a woman broke their conversation.

"Help! We need help!" she yelled.

"Marines!" Norrington yelled as Gillette, and several other marines ran into town.

Aria: How did they know where to go?

SCENE CHANGE

"I have never before been turned down by a woman and this will not be the first!" Thomas yelled pulling Hope to the wall.

Naomi: I think you're missing a word there. And wouldn't you be more likely to push her against the wall?

"Thomas! Stop!" Will yelled coming from the shop and tried to pull him from Hope.

"You stay out of this!" he yelled pushing him into some barrels.

Aria: (Will): *gets up and pulls Thomas off the Sue* I refuse to be made into a wimp just so the Sue's lust object can rescue her.

By this time more people's attention were caught but no one did anything.

Naomi: So they'll just stand around and watch an innocent girl get assaulted? I don't think so.

"Please. Stop this," Hope pleaded with him as she tried to run but he was too strong for her. "Guards! Someone help!" she screamed out.

"Don't you dare start screaming!" he said pulling her into an alley and pinning her against the wall. "We'll see how you act when I'm through with you," he said as he started kissing her neck.

Aria: (Thomas): How do you like my cliche rapist dialogue?

Hope screamed out again and he slapped her.

SCENE CHANGE

Norrington and his guards arrived by the Blacksmith shop as Will tried to get up.

"You two, help this man." Norrington said pointing to two of his guards when a scream filled the area.

"He took her into the alley," Will said as he struggled to get up.

Naomi: Will was shoved into some barrels. Why is he having so much trouble getting up?

Norrington, Gillette and two others headed to the alley next to the shop and found the two. Thomas still had Hope pinned to the wall.

"Release the girl!" Norrington yelled. When Thomas turned his head Norrington and Gillette saw that it was Hope.

"Hope," Gillette said.

"Edward!" Hope said in despair. Panicking Thomas fled.

"You men, after him." The two remaining guards ran after Thomas as Norrington and Gillette ran to Hope. Gillette was the first to reach her.
She was hunched over, shaking, and had her arms wrapped around her body.

"Hope. Good heavens, are you all right?" he said holding her face in his hands.

Aria: Because the first thing a person wants after being manhandled and forcibly kissed is to have someone grab their face.

When she didn't say anything he embraced her. After a few moments he walked her out of the alley.

"Did he hurt you?" Norrington asked.

"Nothing that requires any worry," she said still being held by Gillette.

"What were you doing out here alone?"

Naomi: (Sue): Looking for more reasons to angst.

"My father asked me to put in a sword order. He had a baptism to do and all the servants were detained."

"What about an escort?"

"No.

Aria: (Sue): An escort would have interfered with my angst.

I thought I would be fine, my carriage being not that far away. I knew I wasn't going to take long." Norrington sighed disapprovingly.

Naomi: (Norrington): I hate being in badfic...

"The important thing is that you're safe now. But from now on, if you go out take an escort with you." Hope nodded. "Do you remember that man's name?"

"Thomas Gibbon." Gillette and Norrington looked at each recognizing the name.

"That man has quite a reputation. He has been preying on women all over the Caribbean. On top of that he's a thief. Many are certain he's a pirate. If so, he will be hung within the day."

Aria: If this guy has a reputation all over the Caribbean as a thief and a rapist, how did Will not know who he was?

"No less than he deserves," Hope said with anger.

"Captain Norrington?" When he turned around Will over with the two marines that helped him.

Both: What?

"My name is Will Turner. That man has been here in Port Royal for over a year.

Naomi: He's a notorious thief and rapist, and he's been in the same place for over a year without being caught?

I called him my friend, but I can see now that was probably all a lie."

"Why didn't you help, Miss Danforth?" Gillette demanded.

Aria: (Will): I'm not the Designated Love Interest, so I couldn't rescue her.

"I tried but he threw me into those barrels and pulled her away."

"Thank you, Mr. Turner. You may return to what you were doing before this situation." Will nodded and threw a quick look at Hope as she mouthed 'thank you' before he reentered his shop. Just as Will left the two guards returned with Thomas in irons.

"So. You would rather have a marine," he said catching sight of Hope and Gillette. "Good choice." Norrington marched over to Thomas and lifted his right shirt sleeve and saw the branded P.

Naomi: Ripped off directly from Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Well. What do we have here? A pirate? Take him away,"

"Sir," one of the guards said as they dragged Thomas to the fort.

"Gillette. Escort her home and stay with her until I arrive." Gillette nodded as he led Hope away to the carriage that had been waiting for her.

SCENE CHANGE

When they reached the carriage Gillette helped her up.

"Where to, sir?" the driver asked.

"The Danforth's residence," Gillette said as he climbed into the carriage. As the carriage drove off Gillette looked over at Hope. She was staring blankly out the window. He looked down at her hands and saw that her right hand was shaking.

Aria: But her left hand was perfectly steady.

He reached over and covered it with his own.

"I hate them. They're all the same black-hearted pirates no matter which way you look at it."

Naomi: How much do you want to bet she'll change her mind about pirates by the end of the fic?
Aria: Sorry, I don't take bets I know I'll lose.

"Everything's going to be fine. He's been arrested and I can guarantee you, he will hang."

"I just don't understand why they act like they do."

Aria: Money. Or freedom, in Jack's case.

"There are a great many things we don't understand about them, in much the same way they don't understand the things we do."

Naomi: Pirates were not an alien species last time I checked.

"I know, but, it's still difficult."

"Hope, look at me." She slowly turned her head.

"We will find the pirate who killed your sister.

Aria: Even thought they don't know who actually killed her and no pirate would remember every person they've shot.

Captain Norrington will make sure of it, not just because he loved her, but because everytime he sees you he's reminded of his promise. He swore to your sister he would protect you and he knows that you want revenge just as much as him." Hope gave a small smile before placing her head on his shoulder as they continued on to the Danforth house.

NOTE: I know I know. I said happy chapters. I'm sorry don't throw anything at me. I swear this time. PLEASE REVIEW!!!
ArianaielNightstar

Next Chapter: Asking Permission

Naomi: Permission to stop sporking this fic?
No.
Naomi: Dammit.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-07-28 01:05 am (UTC)
igenlode: The pirate sloop 'Horizon' from "Treasures of the Indies" (Default)
From: [personal profile] igenlode
It never ceases to amaze me how little effort Suethors put into developing their romances.

Well, at least she has provided a time lapse during which this courtship could plausibly have happened (which is as much as Lloyd Webber did for Raoul and Christine, after all -- they disappear for six months and come back as an engaged couple at the Masquerade :-P)
the dock where the HMS Dauntless was weighing anchor.

Weighing anchor? I thought she'd only just arrived!

Elizabeth doesn't talk like this.

Given the author's unorthodox approach to layout and paragraph and total lack of dialogue attribution, I'd actually assumed that this was Hope speaking... :-(

How do you know he was thinking about Catherine?

From the fact that he's looking sad for no apparent reason while engaged in other activity and the fact that Hope apparently knows from personal experience that he is still mourning her sister, it seems a reasonable context for the author to introduce the conversation in question.
(It isn't actually important whether Norrington is or isn't thinking about Catherine at this point -- all that matters from the point of view of the story is that watching him makes Hope think about Catherine.)

Hope was instantly taken in by his brown eyes and handsome features

I think the author means "taken by", not "taken in by"... unless Will's looks are seriously misleading :-p

"You were the boy they rushed to a doctor the day Governor Swann arrived."

So she saw him unconscious for a minute or so when they were both two years younger, and now she recognises him when they run across one another by chance in the street? Those are some serious facial identification skills!

Reverend Danforth stepped out of the wooden carriage

As opposed to, say, the glass carriage?

Why wouldn't he know where his daughter was?

Again, it's a standard polite formula (like "I wonder if I could speak to...")
He knows perfectly well where his daughter is, or at least where she is supposed to be (assuming Elizabeth hasn't taken her out in the carriage, or they haven't gone down to the docks together again, or she hasn't already set off home). He's asking to see her.

The constant recital of the respective ages of the children in order to establish a timelapse does get a bit artificial, but it's marginally better than the badfic approach of "*One year later:*" -- and the pacing is a lot brisker than the usual relentless day-by-day with nothing happening (or, alternatively, with people falling madly in love at incredible speed). I think there's a lot to be said for the skipping-ahead approach.

This sudden urgent (so urgent that it can't even wait for Hope to get home from Elizabeth's house) need for a sword is totally unexplained, so far as I can see. And it makes no sense. Danforth doesn't seem to have any use for a sword (thanks to the author's remarkably original decision to make her heroine the daughter of an affectionate, unglamorous, living father instead of having her the offspring of a noble family or a dashing war hero or a dastardly pirate who abandoned her mother before her birth).
And even if he did, who would send an unmarried teenage girl unescorted to place an order for a sword? It's not a woman's task at all (quite apart from anything else, she knows nothing about swords and has no idea what she ought to ask for; it's like sending a child "to buy a clock". You might get anything :-p)

I don't know who Ann and Miles are (possibly house servants?), but the author at least deserves some credit for coming up with credible names for this mysteriously preoccupied pair... and acknowledging that Hope is the last person one would choose to send on this errand; this writer does seem to be conscious of many of the improbabilities in her plot, even if she doesn't manage to fix them in a satisfactory manner. As I said, by the standards of most fanfic this really isn't that bad.

Danforth smiled and gave her a list of what he needed

A whole list of swords?

Do you want me to ask someone to escort you?

Again, the author is at least aware of what would normally be expected to happen at this period, even if she appears to be choosing to ignore it for reasons of plot convenience.

Hope grabbed her things and met the carriage master outside as she was driven into town.

Who is the "carriage master" -- the driver? And how does she meet anyone as she is being driven, unless they're in an open carriage alongside hers?


Why wouldn't the carriage driver take her all the way to the smithy?

Apparently Hope ordered him to stop there and wait for her, although we have no idea why...

She knew she should not barge into someone's shop

It's a shop -- she's a customer! How does she think people make a living if nobody can enter their shops without an invitation first?

Naomi: *snickers*


What's supposed to be wrong with "fluid moves"? Again, this is a lot more convincing as a brief description of a sword fight than most badfics manage.

How did he know that?

One imagines the local clergyman is something of a public figure, so I don't suppose the existence of his daughter is exactly a secret. Thomas either recognises her, or else takes a good guess at her relationship to Reverend Danforth based on her name and apparent age.

Why would a merchant sailor need to know how to fence?

Why would an apprentice blacksmith need to know how to fence? (And how did he learn?)
At least a sailor in pirate waters is likely to need to defend himself at sea -- although it would be much more useful to learn how to fight with a cutlass, which is a completely different technique :-p
(Sabre versus epée, in fencing terminology.)

I think this "list of what he wanted" must be some kind of specifications for the sword in question...

An aristocratic girl has no business handling a sword

Hope, you're the daughter of a clergyman. You're not an aristocrat; you're squarely middle-class :-p

Somewhere out there is the pirate who murdered my sister and I will not rest until he is brought to justice.

She's planning to duel him to death with a smallsword?
Wouldn't a pistol be an easier and more practical option for threatening a pirate with?

I can't do one thing but keep house and take care of a family"

Since when has anybody shown any indication that they trust Hope to run a household or take care of a family?

They cannot punish you for anything. If they do I'll tell them that you were adamant but that I convinced you.

Unless she's going to claim that she forced him to teach her, I think they certainly can punish him for agreeing to do it...

It's been a year since Will and the Sue met, and they haven't gotten to know each other in all that time?

Well, just because you accidentally run into someone once doesn't mean that you know him -- or that you make a point of seeing him again.
As you point out, what is rather less likely is that Elizabeth has been carrying on her canon friendship with Will at the same time as a friendship with Hope, and that the two of them haven't been encountering one another -- I do rather get the impression so far that having had a friend of her own sex from the start, Elizabeth hasn't kept up nearly such a close relationship with Will in this fic...

taking his finger and moving a tendril away from her face

Hope is being attacked by Audrey II? When did that happen?

That doesn't mean he doesn't know how to fence.

It does mean that Will can beat him, though, and therefore that he is a potentially inferior teacher...

I have never been talked to like that and will never be talked to like that ever

Really? All she said was "Step away, I don't wish for your help" -- and called him "sir" and "Mr Gibbon" (and told him to call her Miss Danforth).
Since when has not calling strange men by their Christian names become an outrageous offence, and especially "from a female"?


The Royal Navy


Naomi: It was so royal that it had to be capitalized.

Um, the Royal Navy is always capitalized.
You can't write "The Royal navy", any more than you can write "Buckingham palace"...

Lieutenant Norrington, now Captain Norrington, was talking with Gillette, now a Lieutenant,

Aria: I don't think titles work like that.

Ranks are not titles.
You can't be promoted to a title; you inherit it, or get given it (e.g. a knighthood). You can't start as a baronet and work your way up to becoming a Duke -- or not unless you're the Duke of Wellington, and are so successful as to have been granted lots of titles in quick succession :-P

Naval ranks are job descriptions, and you got them by promotion (or, in the case of admirals, by survival)

Why is Hope screaming "Guards"? It's not as if she is in a palace or even a naval establishment where there are guards posted outside the door, ready to rush in and incompetently attempt to duel the hero one by one :-p
(Actually, I suspect that the author realises that shouting "Police!" would be anachronistic, and this is intended as somehow a substitute...)

This whole sudden rape-attack scene seems very gratuitous and pointless (and we really are in badfic territory here).
Although again, to give the author credit she has actually arranged a mechanism by which Norrington and Gillette can plausibly turn up in the nick of time (thanks to the "woman" whom Hope earlier sees turn and run when she appeals for help), rather than just having her rescue drop conveniently out of the blue (e.g. Erik selflessly rescuing any number of Mary Sues from 'muggers')

"Edward!" Hope said in despair.

Why in despair? She's being rescued!

all the servants were detained

Ah, so Ann and Miles were servants...

That man has quite a reputation. He has been preying on women all over the Caribbean. On top of that he's a thief.

But he's a boy no older than Will, and he's been under cover in Port Royal for a year... he must have started young!
Also, how come he was using his real name if it's that notorious? Isn't he even slightly worried that someone might recognise it?

When he turned around Will over with the two marines that helped him.

I think -- after considerable consideration -- that there is a "came" missing out of this sentence.

"Why didn't you help, Miss Danforth?" Gillette demanded.

Ah, this is the case where the misapplied comma totally changes the meaning of the dialogue :-D
(I actually thought Gillette was demanding why Hope hadn't tried to rescue Will from the barrels...)

"Thank you, Mr. Turner. You may return to what you were doing before this situation."

A trifle difficult, as he was fencing with Thomas at that point :-p
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