it matched her mood She was in a stormy mood? Sounds more like Carlotta...
It was by no means as fierce as the storm that had arisen the night before They had a violent storm the previous night as well? And it had blown itself out already, and now yet another one had started up? This is obviously dramatically convenient weather :-p
She had only spent one day at Winterbourne But apparently they've had storms every day so far...
The de Coleville’s what?
Home/house/rooms/shop -- that's perfectly normal usage, I'm afraid. "I went round to my sister's on Friday"/"I got these bananas at the greengrocer's by the petrol station"/"He spent the summer at the von Mannheims' in Switzerland"
However (see last example), since the de Colevilles are plural -- otherwise the expression would be simply "I called in at de Coleville's on my way down to the Quad", for instance -- the apostrophe is in the wrong place :-p
He probably was never around to do the work; always believing some servant would take care of it for him The author thinks she knows how to use semi-colons; she doesn't!
I notice the author neglected to mention whether or not she was wearing the shift at the time Now I'm picturing her solemnly swaddling a shift lying on the bed :-p
Her ears perked What is she, a fox? A bunny-rabbit?
Sir Erik had heard them crying before anyone else How does she know he heard them crying before she did? After all, she took a long time getting down here, what with lying awake thinking about ghosts, shifting barricades of furniture, and descending from the tower through a twisty maze of winding passages, all alike...
their tiny eyes closed Their little beady eyes? Most children have disproportionately large eyes compared to the size of their heads (hence anime art) -- I think she's trying to make them sound sweet and dainty, but the mental image is of an overweight shaven-headed thug with eyes too small and too close together...
"I heard your feet, padding along the stones," Erik explained, seeing the question in her eyes. "Not to mention I could smell you." Don't you think the fact that she was carrying a candle in a darkened corridor might have had more to do with it? ;-p
candlelight revealed a very sensuous outline of her body beneath her pale shift I thought we were in Christine's point of view? The only way the light is going to reveal the outline of anything is if she is between him and the light source. Which is a bit difficult to arrange, since they're both presumably holding their candles in front of them...
Also, if she's standing around in an unheated stone corridor without a shawl on, isn't she rapidly going to get extremely cold?
perhaps motherhood suits you after all Given that this remark is apparently triggered off as a result of his ogling her body, it rather sounds as if he is implying that she is visibly pregnant :-p
her good nature still shined through shone
While he may not see it as a problem, Christine surely did. Tense whiplash!
the muscular man who towered next to her. Suddenly, a giant wave The huge man was waving?
about how they had as of yet to consummate the marriage I think she probably means 'had yet to consummate', although she might mean 'had as of yet not consummated'... clearly the author was breathing so hotly at the mere mention of consummation that her grammar went wild!
Erik found that he did not wish to release Whose point of view is this again?
her eyes slightly widened with surprise by his words; she even stumbled back from the surprise We get it -- she was surprised ;-p
She was not ready to forgive him of that for that
longed to see more, as well as hear her thoughts. Such as what she was thinking at that exact moment, for he read the displeasure she held for him in her eyes In that case I really doubt that he would want to hear her thoughts about him at that precise moment -- he already knows they're likely to be highly unflattering!
truly did not possess a horrid bone in their body I know they're twins, but.. conjoined twins? ;-p
"Jacob won't let us play with him," Sarah pouted If they're only three, I'm not at all surprised. Older boys very rarely have any desire to play with toddlers -- this isn't exactly a stratospheric level of evil on Jacob's part...
"I HATE CHRISTINE!" Carlotta shrieked What? I'm assuming there's some kind of chapter break missing there...
picking up a flowerpot and throwing it across the room, not caring that the dirt had spread everywhere or that it had smashed into a hundred pieces What about the plant presumably rolling around on the floor? Or does Carlotta make a habit of keeping flowerpots full of nothing but earth in her home?
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Date: 2018-01-16 12:39 am (UTC)She was in a stormy mood? Sounds more like Carlotta...
It was by no means as fierce as the storm that had arisen the night before
They had a violent storm the previous night as well? And it had blown itself out already, and now yet another one had started up? This is obviously dramatically convenient weather :-p
She had only spent one day at Winterbourne
But apparently they've had storms every day so far...
The de Coleville’s what?
Home/house/rooms/shop -- that's perfectly normal usage, I'm afraid.
"I went round to my sister's on Friday"/"I got these bananas at the greengrocer's by the petrol station"/"He spent the summer at the von Mannheims' in Switzerland"
However (see last example), since the de Colevilles are plural -- otherwise the expression would be simply "I called in at de Coleville's on my way down to the Quad", for instance -- the apostrophe is in the wrong place :-p
He probably was never around to do the work; always believing some servant would take care of it for him
The author thinks she knows how to use semi-colons; she doesn't!
I notice the author neglected to mention whether or not she was wearing the shift at the time
Now I'm picturing her solemnly swaddling a shift lying on the bed :-p
Her ears perked
What is she, a fox? A bunny-rabbit?
Sir Erik had heard them crying before anyone else
How does she know he heard them crying before she did? After all, she took a long time getting down here, what with lying awake thinking about ghosts, shifting barricades of furniture, and descending from the tower through a twisty maze of winding passages, all alike...
their tiny eyes closed
Their little beady eyes? Most children have disproportionately large eyes compared to the size of their heads (hence anime art) -- I think she's trying to make them sound sweet and dainty, but the mental image is of an overweight shaven-headed thug with eyes too small and too close together...
"I heard your feet, padding along the stones," Erik explained, seeing the question in her eyes. "Not to mention I could smell you."
Don't you think the fact that she was carrying a candle in a darkened corridor might have had more to do with it? ;-p
candlelight revealed a very sensuous outline of her body beneath her pale shift
I thought we were in Christine's point of view?
The only way the light is going to reveal the outline of anything is if she is between him and the light source. Which is a bit difficult to arrange, since they're both presumably holding their candles in front of them...
Also, if she's standing around in an unheated stone corridor without a shawl on, isn't she rapidly going to get extremely cold?
perhaps motherhood suits you after all
Given that this remark is apparently triggered off as a result of his ogling her body, it rather sounds as if he is implying that she is visibly pregnant :-p
her good nature still shined through
shone
While he may not see it as a problem, Christine surely did.
Tense whiplash!
the muscular man who towered next to her. Suddenly, a giant wave
The huge man was waving?
about how they had as of yet to consummate the marriage
I think she probably means 'had yet to consummate', although she might mean 'had as of yet not consummated'... clearly the author was breathing so hotly at the mere mention of consummation that her grammar went wild!
Erik found that he did not wish to release
Whose point of view is this again?
her eyes slightly widened with surprise by his words; she even stumbled back from the surprise
We get it -- she was surprised ;-p
She was not ready to forgive him of that
for that
longed to see more, as well as hear her thoughts. Such as what she was thinking at that exact moment, for he read the displeasure she held for him in her eyes
In that case I really doubt that he would want to hear her thoughts about him at that precise moment -- he already knows they're likely to be highly unflattering!
truly did not possess a horrid bone in their body
I know they're twins, but.. conjoined twins? ;-p
"Jacob won't let us play with him," Sarah pouted
If they're only three, I'm not at all surprised. Older boys very rarely have any desire to play with toddlers -- this isn't exactly a stratospheric level of evil on Jacob's part...
"I HATE CHRISTINE!" Carlotta shrieked
What? I'm assuming there's some kind of chapter break missing there...
picking up a flowerpot and throwing it across the room, not caring that the dirt had spread everywhere or that it had smashed into a hundred pieces
What about the plant presumably rolling around on the floor? Or does Carlotta make a habit of keeping flowerpots full of nothing but earth in her home?