The bachelor's solution has traditionally been to get a dog, for whom you will be the absolute centre of the world, who will be a constant loyal companion, who will adore you unquestioningly and who will literally lay down his life in your defence without a second thought.
Unfortunately dogs are also smelly, demanding and have unpleasant social habits ;-p (And they have short lifespans, which means that a beloved pet will *always* abandon you within a relatively short period.)
My parents certainly always loved me and never abandoned me no matter what, even if none of us ever went round constantly and vocally proclaiming our affection (behaviour which, as a result, has always seemed very strange and needy to me when people require it -- I find it hard to believe, at a gut level, that families where people are constantly trilling "Love you!" as they go out of the door actually *mean* anything more by that than a casual "Goodbye"). But my parents also made me furious by 'emotionally invalidating my feelings' and suggesting not only that there was something wrong with me for having them, but that my reactions meant that there was in fact something so wrong with me that I wasn't *capable* of having them in the first place. Which is unbelievably offensive when you're twenty and being told that the cause of your misery is not only delusional, but in fact a symptom of your inability ever to experience anything of the sort 'for real'.
So I wouldn't have dreamed of being 'emotionally honest' with my family members. The result was to make me extremely angry and unhappy and afraid for a very long time, despite the fact that they were also being unstintingly supportive on a practical level.
Provided we kept off emotions, we were very good intellectual and physical companions. Friends -- but not the kind of unquestioning back-up system ('but we're *family*!') that people seem to expect.
I don't think I've ever really trusted anyone since that year; from what I remember, I wasn't exactly trusting before -- bullying will do that for you -- but being emotionally devastated on that complicated level (most of the complications being my fault) added to being told that you were mentally deformed for feeling that way doesn't exactly inspire you to rely on other people, or to confide.
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Date: 2022-06-03 07:32 pm (UTC)Unfortunately dogs are also smelly, demanding and have unpleasant social habits ;-p (And they have short lifespans, which means that a beloved pet will *always* abandon you within a relatively short period.)
My parents certainly always loved me and never abandoned me no matter what, even if none of us ever went round constantly and vocally proclaiming our affection (behaviour which, as a result, has always seemed very strange and needy to me when people require it -- I find it hard to believe, at a gut level, that families where people are constantly trilling "Love you!" as they go out of the door actually *mean* anything more by that than a casual "Goodbye"). But my parents also made me furious by 'emotionally invalidating my feelings' and suggesting not only that there was something wrong with me for having them, but that my reactions meant that there was in fact something so wrong with me that I wasn't *capable* of having them in the first place. Which is unbelievably offensive when you're twenty and being told that the cause of your misery is not only delusional, but in fact a symptom of your inability ever to experience anything of the sort 'for real'.
So I wouldn't have dreamed of being 'emotionally honest' with my family members. The result was to make me extremely angry and unhappy and afraid for a very long time, despite the fact that they were also being unstintingly supportive on a practical level.
Provided we kept off emotions, we were very good intellectual and physical companions. Friends -- but not the kind of unquestioning back-up system ('but we're *family*!') that people seem to expect.
I don't think I've ever really trusted anyone since that year; from what I remember, I wasn't exactly trusting before -- bullying will do that for you -- but being emotionally devastated on that complicated level (most of the complications being my fault) added to being told that you were mentally deformed for feeling that way doesn't exactly inspire you to rely on other people, or to confide.